Everything Is Not As It Seems
by Miss Pretty Girl
Summary: What if Pacey breaking up with Joey was from a different reason then he said? What if it was to save her from more heartache in the end? He found some information that would not only affect him but everyone he loves. Will Joey find out or will it be too late? And will Joey have a secret of her own? P/J
1. Chapter 1

This is a story that came to me to me. This is my first time writing a Dawson's Creek story so go easy on me but tell me how you feel.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the original story.**

**Chapter 1: The Call**

Pacey walked into his house after a long day at school. Tomorrow was prom and after the way his week have been going he was not up to for it. The week started off good but Wednesday came and all of went to hell. Since then all I could focus on was this one phone call in between the acting as if everything was normal around Joey and the gang and my mind I am exhausted. Living with Gretchen gives me a lot of time to myself, since lately spends all her time with Dawson. I should tell her soon, just in case everything is not okay as I am hoping it will be.

Ring…ring…ring

I jumped when the phone rung bringing me out of my thoughts. I walked to the phone and picked it up "Hello?"

"Hi, I am calling to speak to a Mr. Pacey Witter" the man on the other end said.

"This is he" I said a little hesitantly because this could be the call I've been dreading.

"Hi, this is Dr. Avery and we will like for you to come in later on today so we can run more test…"

"Why, is there a problem?" I ask beginning to freak out. Gretchen chose that moment to walk in the backdoor. She looked up at me and instantly begun to worry.

"What's wrong…?" she started before I hushed her.

"We just want to be accurate and we will like for you to bring someone in with you to drive you home…" he continue to talk but the phone slowly begin to fall out of my hands because if they was running more test it means they found something bad. Right? This can't be happening. I vaguely see Gretchen grab the phone and speak to the doctor. I wanted to yell No and tell her to hang up but I slowly start to lose consciousness. Everything went black.

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	2. Chapter 2

**hey guys this Chapter 2 for EINAIS hope you like it. this is my birthday present to all you so check it out. **

**Chapter 2: The Talk**

Jen and I were at the store doing some last minute shopping before prom tomorrow. A lot have been going on lately and I have got caught up in my own little world. I never thought this would happen, I mean I love Pacey and all but I have a life. I'm not ready for this I'm only 17. He been really secretive and I know something is going on.

"Joey was you even listening?" Jen asked cutting into my thoughts.

"Do Pacey seem more secretive lately?" I ask "I'm sorry Jen; it's just with so much going on graduation coming up, this thing with Worthington, me being late and now Pacey. I feel as if I'm going crazy." I finish in a rush.

"Okay Joey calm down, let me help. You're at the top of our class there is no reason to worry about that, everything with Worthington will work out and Pacey will tell you when he is ready. The last thing, how late are you?" Jen asked.

"I don't know," I answer as I begin to think about it. "…maybe a few days or so." I conclude.

"Well give it till after prom and if it still haven't come then we will get you a test and I will hold your hand the hold time. And if it turns out everything is not okay then you will have Pacey, Bessie, Dawson, and me. No matter what happens you will always have me, okay?" Jen said.

"Thanks Jen, I really needed that, and doubt I'm pregnant because me and Pacey was always careful." I reply with the most sincere I could muster. "But thank you none the less, I really appreciate it." I say as I go back to searching through the store. Who would have thought that me and Jen would be so close, I'm glad I have her and Pacey. I don't know what I would do without either one of them, especially Pacey he is my rock. I wonder what Pacey would think about us having a child.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: What's in the Dark…**

"Hello" I speak into the phone while looking at a shell shock Pacey who I could see tears starting to weld up on his eyes. Before I could start to freak out the person on the other end of the phone spoke.

"Hello, to whom am I talking to?" the man on the other end asked.

"Gretchen Witter, Pacey's older sister" I replied hesitantly.

"Oh hello, this Dr. Avery and as I was telling your brother, we would like him to come in today so we can run more test. He will need someone to bring him in and drive him home after the tests are done. "

"What are you running the test for, if you don't mind me asking?" I ask dreading of what the answer that might come out of his mouth.

"For cancer, didn't your brother inform you?" Dr. Avery asked.

"Okay…"I pause letting it sink in as tears start to weld up in my own eyes. I muster up enough strength to end the conversation. "We will come in today, what time will be a great time to come in?"

"Well now will be fine" he replies.

"Okay we will see you in 45 minutes."

"Okay, see you then" then phone went dead. I turn to face Pacey, only to see him on the floor with tears flowing from his face. I went over to him and held on tight as I whisper soothing words in his ear, trying to get him to believe them as well as myself.

After a few more minutes, we got up and we drove to the hospital for his appointment. It was the longest drive ever but there was nothing we can do but wait for the results.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: …Always Comes to Light**

The sun was sitting high in the sky and the wind was lightly blowing making for a beautiful day in Capeside, Massachusetts for everyone but two people as they made their journey to what can make their life a little more complicated. The two Witter siblings made their way to the hospital for Pacey's tests to be run and hopefully some good news but was preparing for the bad.

We have been at the hospital for what felt like days but were only a couple of hours. The doctor has taken blood from me, along with taking an X-Ray and some other scan called if I remember it is a CT scan (computerized tomography). Now Gretchen and I are sitting in the doctor's office across from his desk waiting for the results from the tests. My head kept playing different scenarios in my head and all of them lead to causing Joey unbearable pain. Losing her mother to this God forsaken disease was enough to almost kill her. If she loves me like she says she does, then I just might break her with this news. I can't do that to her, ever. Maybe losing me one way will be enough. I know what I have to do. I have to…

"Sorry to keep you waiting" Dr. Avery said breaking into my thoughts. "I have your results Mr. Witter, and it appears that you have High Risk Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. I'm sorry." He finished his statement.

"How did this happen?" Gretchen asked as tears continue to fall from her eyes.

"Well when your brother came in earlier this week complaining of pain below his ribs, headaches, and vomiting the days previous. We ran some test; the cancer showed up in our results and ran them again to be accurate. I wanted to be sure and that was the reason for today's visit, but unfortunately it can back with the same results. So, Pacey have there been any more symptoms?" Dr. Avery asked.

I came out of shock to see both sets of eyes on me. "Ye…Yeah…Yeah." I pause to gather my thoughts together. "I have been feeling very lightheaded, I lost my appetite. I force myself to eat something, just so people won't worry." I state keeping my eyes on the doctor, so not to see the pain, the worry, and the fear in my sister's eyes.

"Why did not you tell me Pace?" I hear her ask. I finally look at her so she could see what was in my eyes.

"I wanted to but I didn't want you to worry about me." I pause once again trying to find the right words to explain what was going through my mind. "because at first it was only a possibility and something I never wanted to think about. Now that you know it is becoming more real. Something I have to deal with." I put thoughts into words hoping it could be understood and looking into her eyes I see she does understand.

"So Pacey I will like to start you on treatment as soon as possible, okay?" the doctor breaks the silence that settled around what I said. "Looking at this week's x-rays the cancer it progressing very fast so I would like to get a hold on it before it becomes to deadly and incurable." Pain flickered across but mine and Gretchen's face at the thought of me dying. I wonder how this was going to affect everyone else.

"So what's the next step" Gretchen asked with a shaky voice. I nod my head wondering the same thing.

"I would to start Pacey on Chemotherapy as soon as possible. You also need to inform your family encase this takes a turn for the worst." the doctor replies.

"My senior prom is tomorrow and I girlfriend is looking forward to going and I don't want to ruin her weekend. So do we have to start today?" I ask with a pleading in my voice, hoping he would say no.

"I would have like to but I know girls and their proms. I have a daughter of my own and she spent 2 weeks getting ready for hers. So I guess we can set you up to start on Sunday at noon." I nod my head to say that would be fine. "You will need to bring a change of clothes because you will be here for a while."

"How long is a while?" I ask, still holding on tight to Gretchen's hand.

"Well, at the most maybe a month and the least maybe 3 weeks." He says and my face drop.

"What about school, I will be graduating in a month and I would like to be there." I state again hoping for the best but expecting the worst. I can't always get what I want.

"Dealing with school, I will send an email and a letter to your school staying the reason why you will be missing so much school and have them get someone to bring your work to the hospital but you want have enough strength to do much as the therapy goes on so you will need someone to help with that." He says that looking at Gretchen and she nods her head. "and graduation we will see how that will go if you are strong enough to go then yes but if not you want be able to attend. We will see as time goes on." He replies.

I was satisfied with his answer so I just nodded my head. I don't know if I will tell anyone so I chose to ignore that part of the conversation altogether. I look over at my sister and I knew I had to get through this for her sake, for Joey's sake, and mine. Joey, she is my reason of fighting this disease even if I will not tell her this. She will not find out about this, so I will have to do the unthinkable. I will have to break my heart by breaking hers, getting her so mad at me that she will not want to see me and she will not. She will go to college and she will forget about me and live, while I fight for her and get strong enough to live knowing she will be okay even if I couldn't overcome this one disease. My mind was made up and I had to follow through with it and I will.

"So if there are no more questions, I will see you on Sunday at noon." Dr. Avery said.

"What is my chance of surviving this if I don't do the chemotherapy?" I ask hesitantly. Not really wanting to know the answer, and could tell Gretchen don't either.

"If the cancer keeps progressing like it is I will say maybe 4 weeks…5 month most. That's why I want to start treatment as soon as possible because it will better your chance of surviving. The chance of chemo not working is 65% but will worry about that later"

"Thank…thank you doc. I will be here Sunday, I'm not checking out any time soon." I try to be sarcastic and put on a fake smile. But everyone know I am freaking out inside. What if the treatment doesn't work? I'm not ready to leave this place yet. I'm not ready to leave my life with Joey. I haven't even lived yet. This can't be the end of our story, this can't be. I hear Gretchen say goodbye to the doctor and I shake his hand before I walk out.

On the way home the sun was nowhere in sight. Above our heads were dark clouds, thundering loudly, and rain coming down like the tears falling from my eyes. It was never ending and sad. Today I will let it all out, I will cry like there was no tomorrow. Today the weather matched our moods, because there was nothing sunny about this situation. So today, is the day I will let go because tomorrow…tomorrow is the day I pretend that everything is okay. That this leukemia was not running through my veins getting worst by the second, that the thought of this consuming me whole is never going to happen. Tomorrow is the day I will act as if none of this ever happened. If I could have this one day, then I will be alright if I died in next week, because tomorrow will be the day I will love and be loved. I will live for the last time before this cancer consumes all of me, I will be Normal. Just one last time, I will be FREE.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Freaking Out**

There were a million things that I needed to do today before prom and I was in no mood to do any of it. I woke up only to rush to the bathroom to through up the contents of my stomach. Throwing up was never my cup of tea, I doubt it was anyone's. I was praying that this was because of nerves and not because of the thing that will not be named. I slowly walked down the stairs to find Alexander at the table eating cereal and Bessie drinking coffee while reading the paper.

"There you are, are you okay? I heard you throwing up in the restroom, you're not sick are you?" she asked.

"No, just nerves you know since today is prom meaning school is ending in a month. I don't know if I am ready yet." I rush out; I really didn't lie because I am nerves about school coming to end, even if the fact that I might be pregnant is the main point to this all. I am beginning to think that pregnancy scare wasn't just a scare. I should have gone to the doctor to check instead of relying on a test that was only 99% accurate. I think I know the night it happened, the first night we had alone after we came back from senior trip. The night Pacey kicked Gretchen out the house so we could have alone time. Though we hadn't done it since the senior trip, we went slowly and he took his time. It was better than the first time, it was magical.

"Joey…Joey…hey are you there?" Bessie asked. I did it again, it was becoming a habit me zoning out.

"Sorry, I've been doing that a lot lately. What did you say?"

"I said don't you have stuff to do today?" she asked again.

"Yeah, I have to go get my shoes, and be back for me to take a shower and get dress so I can be ready for Pacey at 6 o'clock. What time is it now?" I wondered out loud.

"It is 15 minutes to noon now." I look at her as if she got to be kidding me right. I have to leave now or I will not have enough time to do anything.

"Thanks Bess, I will be going now and should be back in an hour or two." I say walking up the stairs to my room thinking this is going to be a long day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Pretending Isn't Easy**

I didn't get a wink of sleep last night, but I am determined to have a good day. I woke up with not an ounce of energy left in me. I force myself to get up and go about my day. The weight of what happened yesterday and what was bound to happen tomorrow still hanging over my head. I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water to find Gretchen sitting at the counter.

"So, Pacey" please Gretchen not today, don't say it "… when are you going to tell Joey?" she continued as if she couldn't read my face.

"I don't know if I am going to tell her. I don't think she need to go through this again." I state

"She will found out when her boyfriend is in the hospital for a month?"

"Nope, not if she hates me…" I mutter "and if I'm not her boyfriend anymore" I whisper to myself.

"Pacey don't do anything stupid" Gretchen warned, showing that she heard what I just said.

"Goodbye Gretchen, I have to go get a corsage for Joey. So see you later and try not worry too much about Joey and I." I say and walk out without looking back. When I said I was going to have a good day I meant it.

The day got worst as it went on. I messed up the corsage, the limo wasn't up to everyone standards, and now I have the privilege of watching my girlfriend dance with my ex-best friend. The guy that once held her heart and the one I will never compare to. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I'm not good enough for her and my death want affect her as much as I thought it would. My decision to end things just became so much clearer watching the two of them dance. I have to walk away from this relationship before I don't have a reason to fight anymore. She holds my heart and after today she will walk away with it, taking back hers which was never mines to begin with. I look at her and Dawson and see something I can't compare it, I see future I will never be a part of.

She looks over to me and I see the look in her eyes change. No longer are they light and carefree and now I know I will never win the girl. Gretchen came and stood beside me and I look at her and give her a sad smile; I walk away from them all back to the outside world. I need air and lots of it because for some reason I can't breathe. It feels as if all the air has left my lungs so turn and walk away, while Joey watched me do just that. My heart just broke in two and I had to prepare for it break a little more.

I will have to talk to Joey eventually like Gretchen said we're trapped, it just isn't going to go the way she wanted it to go. The way things are going it is not going to end well. Joey finally found me outside and the look on her face almost broke my resolve but I had to stand my ground. She sat beside me at the table and I begun to talk before the words could spill out of her mouth.

"You know what I actually realized when I saw the two of you dancing there together? That is the happiest I have seen you all night. I mean, I think it's actually the happiest I've seen you in weeks. You want to know what's worse than that? I don't care. I saw the two of you dancing together, and I just don't care. I'm not angry. I'm not jealous. I'm not upset. I'm really not much of anything." I stop trying to get a hold on my emotions because I had to do this. I had to make her hate me and I guess this was as good of a time as any right. "You want me to take off the happy mask? Then happy mask is off. So, now answer me this one question Joey, why are you with me? Why are you with me? Cause I don't know why I'm still with you. I used to know, but now I don't anymore. What I do know, I feel like I'm Josephine Potter's little charity project. I feel like I'm the designated loser..." I state begging her to see that this was all a front. To see through the lies but as I look in her I can tell she believed everything so maybe this is for the best.

"This isn't about me..." she says with so much fire, but she was wrong because it was about her just not in a way she thinks it is.

"No, it is about you! It's about you and how you make me feel when I'm with you! Ok? I feel like I'm stupid and I'm worthless and I'm never right. But you know what I realize? That it's not my fault! That it's not my fault. Because I'm with you, it's poor Pacey. He didn't get into college, and it's stupid Pacey forgot the limo and ripped the dress and messed up the corsage." I yell still communicating an entire different message with my eyes that she is not getting across to her. God if only she would look at me, really look at me. Tears wanting burst out as my heart begins to break as this conversation continue.

"I told you I didn't care about any of that." Joey says with a look of disbelief on her face.

I try again, because I will keep trying till I take my last breath. "But I want you to care! I want you to care! I don't want you to just accept it like that's the way it's supposed to be. We are not trapped on this boat. You and I are trapped in this relationship. I can't take it anymore, Joey. When I'm with you, I feel like I'm nothing. I feel like I'm nothing. That's why I flinch when you come to touch me. It's why I never touch you. Why I never even think about it. Because when I start to, it just reminds me that I'm not good enough." I keep lying and I can see she is believing every word that is coming out of my mouth.

"You done?" she ask trying to hold back tears and I don't want to continue but I have to.

"No I'm just getting started." I reply with so much hatred because she is not reading my eyes and that she was giving up so fast. I was getting angry because she wasn't fighting for us, making me realize she was just settling and maybe what I was doing was right.

"Well, you can stop right now. You can go to hell." She says and get up and walk away. I could force myself to follow because this is what I wanted. I wanted her mad, and she is mad, I wanted her to stop loving me, and by way I'm watching walk away she was in the process of doing just that.

"Today was supposed to be about me living for the last time. Having fun with my girlfriend and feeling loved but it was the complete opposite." I tell Gretchen as she took a seat in the one Joey not too long vacated. "I mean I wanted to forget about this death sentence hanging above my head and live for one last time. But I guess it's better like this because I was going to do it tomorrow and let tonight be our last happy moment. I mean me breaking up with her was never set in stone, I was going to tell her about the cancer but when I saw her laughing with Dawson. It was a wakeup call, telling me if I just stepped out-of-the-way she will be happy. That if I tell her about the cancer, it would just put more stress on her. And I did not want to do that, so I had to end things even if my heart broke with every word that flew from my mouth." I tell Gretchen.

"It will work out Pacey I promise. I'm not losing you okay?" she said on the brink of tears.

"Come on Gretch, you know it is a million in one chance that I will survive this. You heard what the doctor said I have a month left." I reply

"But your starting chemo tomorrow so there is hope." She states firmly

"Gretchen, when have the odds ever been in my favor? What happened tonight just proves it never is. I mean the entire time was breaking up with Joey my eyes told a whole different story then the words that was coming out of my mouth. I mean the tears were begging to be let loose as I saw her take everything I said to heart. My eyes telling her I love her and I want to hold her and never let go but she couldn't see past my words. So what does that say about our relationship, huh? If she couldn't read me and I can read her like the back of my hand, how were we suppose to work? I mean was I that convincing, to show that I didn't love her anymore? I guess it is for the best right I mean you will be going back to college soon enough and so is everyone else and I will be alone. I guess it should have been that way from the beginning because right now all I can think about is her hurting somewhere on this boat and I want to go to her and take it all back but if I do, I will have to bring up old scars that took her so long to bury and I can't do that Gretchen I just I can't." I finish as tears begin to fall again. Tonight was only the beginning and that's the worst part about this situation.

"Hey, look at me…" she lifts my head with her hand and I can see the pain in her eyes while the tears rolled down her face. "I am not going anywhere, you hear me? You're stuck with me and we will get through this. I can go back to college when you are better but I will not leave you." She says and I begin to shake my head because she can't put her life on for me and I wont let her. "Yes, and if it will you make feel any better I do some classes at the community college while I'm here. But you will not and will never go through this alone, I refuse to leave you to handle this on your own. Your my little brother and it's my job to look after you ok?" she ask and I reluctantly nod my head because I know she will not change her mind. "And about Joey, she will figure it out okay? She knows you love her; she just has to realize how much she loves you to fight for it and she is little caught off guard because this came out of nowhere. So if you really want to take those words back you go find her and tell her the truth and the real reason you were so distant. She will understand, she is tougher then you give her credit for." She finishes and I think about what she said and I think I will do just that but I can't do it alone.

"Can you come with me?" I ask her and even to myself I sound so vulnerable and so innocent that it made sick. I felt weak but at the same time strong because I knew no matter what happened I will have my big sister by my side. She nodded her head yes and we got up and went in search for Joey. I was so caught up in this that I did not see the two shocked faces that heard our entire conversation.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Sometimes it's For the Best**

"Hey. How's Joey doing?" Gretchen said as she left Pacey to go talk to Dawson.

Dawson turned around to look at her, "Not so good. I'm sorry I took off back there."

Gretchen nodded, "Dawson, you don't need to explain. And it doesn't matter anyway because I know what I have to do. I've got to go on with my life. Go back to college, figure out who I am and what I want. This is not my place, not here and not with you. You're still chasing after Joey, I mean, literally and metaphorically.

"You…" Dawson started. "You told me to go to her. I thought you understood about our friendship." He finished shaking his head.

Gretchen shook her head at the innocent boy in front of her, "I do." She said with a sad smile. "I do, and watching you chase her, it just made everything more clear. I mean, Dawson, there are so many loose ends, so much that the two of you haven't resolved..." she continued walking to look out to the water before finishing her statement. "And as much as you think you're beyond the drama of high school and the prom, you're a part of it. You're smack in the middle of it and that's right where you should be. You're a senior in high school..." She turned to look at him. "and I'm not." She kissed his cheek before she walked away to find her brother. _**  
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><p>Pacey sat in the bed surrounded by beige walls and artificial pictures that were duller then the plain white walls that he thought would smoother his room. He had a private room in the right wing on the 25th floor in Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center. The room had a huge window covering the right wall that over looked the ocean, that's main part Pacey liked. The room had a blue couch against the window with his bed on the wall adjacent to the window. On the wall running parallel with the wall with the bed was a flat screen and the door to the restroom. The last wall held the entrance to the room and a love seat. He was hooked up to a tube for chemo and fluids. Gretchen sat on the couch by the window and flipped through the channels on the TV. Pacey pulled out the journal he brought downstairs in the gift shop along with the pen. He got comfortable and opened the vacant journal and started the first of many letters he planned to fill it with. The pen caressed the page as the words left his mind and settled on the page.<p>

_Dear Joey, _

_I know you probably, well not probably for sure, hate my guts at the moment, I can't blame you. SO many times in my speech I begged you with my eyes to see the lies I told you but you never once saw it and I guess because in your eyes they were true, I don't know. But you have to know I love you with every cell in my body and I say that with up-most sincerity. I went to tell you that last night but couldn't find you and when we got back to the limo (the piece of junk that it was) you barely would look at me let alone talk to me and to tell the truth by that time I had coward out and decided it was better to stare at you from a far. Maybe it is for the best._

_ So I want to tell you the real reason I broke up with you. The day before prom I found out I have Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia and I started chemo today. I didn't want to drag you thought this process again. I saw how hard it was on you when your mom went through it and I didn't want to be the cause of your pain if I didn't make it. Well 10 minutes after I broke up with you I saw how stupid that decision was. I know I hurt you and I would do anything to take that back but the selfish part of me doesn't want you by my side through all of this because I don't want you to have to see sick. So picture me happy and full of life next to you on that boat the summer before of school. What I wouldn't give to be back on that boat with you in my arms watching the sun set. Not in this hell hole for the next month and a half._

_ I have to go the doctor is here so I will write to you tomorrow. I miss you. I love you._

_Your Idiot,_

_Pace_

**Pacey's POV**

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Avery asked as he came into the room.

"I've had better days." I say with a sad smile.

"Well your vitals look good. You will be taken down in two to three weeks for exams so to see if the treatment is working." He said.

"Ok" I say in a small voice.

"If you need anything, press the red button and the nurse will be in here as soon as possible." He replied. "I will be in here to check on you in a few days, two to three at the most, okay." He said, I nod my head and then Gretchen and I are alone in the room again. I grab her hand and squeeze it, seeking the comfort I so desperately needed at the moment.

"We should tell our family" Gretchen broke the silence.

"Not yet Gretchen" I shake my head. "Not yet"

"Pacey they need to no." she continued.

"Gretchen, please." I say looking at her desperately because I couldn't bear knowing that my family didn't show up because that didn't care not because I didn't tell them. She relents and just gets up and holds me.

"You will have to tell them eventually." She continues.

"I will" I whisper. "I promise."_**  
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><p>It's been three weeks since I was admitted into the cancer ward of the Capeside only hospital and every day I get weaker and weaker. My hair is finally starting to fall out and I can barely get through my letters to Joey I write at least twice a day without puking. So far I have over 40 letters to her and I am proud to say that the pages were not shrouded in puke stains or the blood I occasionally cough up.<p>

Today, we are supposed to get the news on my progress so far and do the one thing I have put off long enough. Tell my family what is going on, well Gretchen is doing that part downstairs before bringing who ever came up.

"Mr. Witter, we got your results back." Dr. Avery said walking into the room.

"Come on Michael, no pleasantries first?" I joke trying to put on hold the news as long as possible. "and please its Pacey."

"How are you today Pacey?" He said letting a smile grace his face,

"I feel like shit" I laugh. "What about yourself, Doc?"

"I'd good." He replies.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" I say and he shakes his head with a chuckle. "So come on lay it on me, what did the results say?"

His face somber a little and I knew the news couldn't be good. "The chemo is doing what it can but the cancer seems to be spreading. We are going to start you on radiation therapy tomorrow." He says. "We recommend you tell your family so we can test and see if there is a chance that the bone marrow is a match to yours." He finishes and I look away towards the window and look out to the ocean and dream.

"Thank you, and we planned to tell them today after we got the results back." Gretchen said. "And I wanted to get tested to see if we are a match." She continued and I didn't want any of this.

"No," I say looking back at them. "I can't ask them to do that for me." I continued.

"Without the stem cell transplant, I'm afraid that the cancer just might get worse until your body begins to give out." The doctor stated and I squeeze my eyes close at this statement.

"Then I guess I should start saying my goodbyes." I say.

"Please Pace, let us do this" Gretchen said. "At least let us get tested, if nothing else." She begs. I look into her eyes and I wish I hadn't. I find myself nodding and turning my head before saying the last thing I thought would leave my lips.

"You can tell them all," I pause taking a deep breath. "But it is still a long shot and it is about time I say goodbye anyway." I surrender before I turn on my side and put my back towards them and drift off into my own world.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Realizations**

**Joey POV**

I got up and walked away from the table as fast I could before a sob left my mouth. How could he do this to me on prom night of all nights? The nerve of him to say it was about me, it is not my fault he is so insecure. I'm angry at him for doing this to me and I'm angry at myself for not seeing this coming.

_I'm not gonna be around to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart_

He was right everything did fall apart and in the end I did need someone to help me pick up the pieces. The pieces that were left in the palm of my hands after being torn apart by one boy I never thought would. I continue to walk around the boat, kept putting one foot in front of the other, until I ran into the one person that has been there throughout everything.

"He dumps me at prom for reason I don't quite understand myself." The words fell from my mouth as Dawson falls into step beside me before pulling me into an empty room on the boat for overnight stay. "And some of things he said were not even true. It's not who I am." I say falling sit down on the bed.

"I know"

"I mean, I don't understand why he would say all that because that's not who I am."

"I know" he says again.

"I just want to go home" I lean into Dawson's side and let the tears continue to flow from my eyes.

We lay there for a while as I continue to cry before soon the tears come to a halt and the room was silent.

"Go ahead I know you want to say it" I voice sounds dry.

"Say what?" Dawson asks me confused.

"I told you so." I breathe out closing my eyes.

"I wish I wasn't Joey." He said lifting up to look at me. "I never wanted you to hurt like you are right now. This is not your fault; none of this is your fault." He tells me looking into my eyes.

"Thank you" I say as I let a smile come to my face which I knew didn't reach my eyes, but Dawson didn't realize that, he never does. I see the shift in him and before I know it his lips was attached to mine. The first thing to pop into my head was Pacey's face.

I sit in front seat of the limo trying to keep my tears at bay. The kiss didn't mean anything. All the way home played the break up on repeat in my head trying to find something that could help me get him back but for the life of me I couldn't find anything. I can never get past the words. At first I thought I saw the love in his eyes that I'm sure was there and his eyes seem to contradict the word that was coming from his mouth but as the speech continued his eyes turned sad and I could see the little light he had left drain from his eyes every minute I didn't fight him on this.

The thoughts kept running through my head all the way home. When I got home I walked through the door and to my room ignoring everything around me I just wanted to curl up in cry because for some reason I feel like Pacey might have broken things off but I just messed up any chance there was of us getting back together. That fact just made me cry more and curse the name Dawson Leery all over again.

* * *

><p>I'm sitting in the doctor's office waiting to be scene. I decided to come alone because no matter how hard I tried I could not find Pacey anywhere and it didn't seem right to bring anyone else when all I wanted was him here so I came alone.<p>

"Josephine Potter" the nurse called my name. I stood up walking towards her, "Follow me please." She said bringing me to the exam room in the back. "The doctor will be right with you" she replied leaving after she took the standard measurements: weight, height, blood pressure, etc. I just nodded my head not seeming to have found my voice yet. She gave me a gown to change into and a cup to pee in before she left me to change.

I waited for a good 30 minutes after the nurse came back to get the cup to run tests and I laid on the exam table thinking about what I would do if I am pregnant. Can I raise a kid on my own? What will I tell Pacey? Or Bessie for that matter? Can I still go to school? There was a knock on the door interrupting my thoughts. "Come in" I said and the doctor walked into the room. She was a young Caucasian woman that looked to be in her late 20's. She had long blonde hair and high cheek bones. Her eyes look to be hazel and the smile on her face made her come off as friendly which really helped with my fears.

"Hi I'm Dr. Brooke Scott, and you must be Josephine Potter" she asked sticking her hand out toward me.

"Yes" I nod shaking her hand "Please call me Joey" I said.

"Well Joey, I just got your lab results back." She said opening the file in her hand. "You are indeed pregnant." She said and my heartbeat sky rocket.

"Oh…okay" I breathe out trying to hold back the tears.

"I'm guessing this was not a planned pregnancy." She stated and I just nod my head as the tears begin to flow from my eyes. "Well there are other options. When was your last period?"

I think back to the last time my period came. "The beginning of March" I reply.

"Well given that information than I would calculate that you are around 11 weeks pregnant." And I was shocked that I was so far along.

"I took a pregnancy test and it was negative just three weeks ago." I say in disbelief.

"Those tests are only 99% accurate but don't always give the right information. That's why we always ask you to come in just in case." Dr. Scott explained. "If you could get dress and I will have a nurse bring you to my office so we can discuss this further." She said and I nod my head in understanding trying my best to wrap my head around being pregnant. My hand slowly slid down to my stomach where my baby grew and tears begin to fall down my face as I tried not to breakdown. There was a knock on the door before the nurse stuck her head in the door.

"Are you ready" she asked and I nodded wiping the tears from my face. "Follow me" she walked me down the hall to another room that had a desk this time and two chairs in front of it. "She will be in shortly" I nodded my head. I took this time to look around the office from the seat I chose and saw lots of photos around the room, along with certificates. She had a picture of her with two kids that look to be 8 or 9 years old which kind of shocked me, because she look no older than 28.

"Hi again Miss Potter." Dr. Scott

"You have kids" was the first thing I blurted out and I immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry that is none of my business" I let out a nervous laugh.

She laughed and said "No it is fine, but yes I have two kids the oldest being 10 years old and the youngest about to turn 8 next week." She handed me the picture of them. "I had Wyatt, the oldest, when I was a sophomore in college and Michelle right before I started medical school." She said with a smile.

"Was it hard?" I find myself asking looking down at the photo.

"At times it was but I had my husband there to help me but juggling school and being a mom was real hard, but I wouldn't change it for the world." she finished as I was returning the photo frame back to her. "So back on topic, you do have a lot of options…"

"I'm not having an abortion." I cut her off.

"Well there is adoption or would you like to keep the baby." She asked.

"I don't know" I whispered not knowing if I could do this along. "I have to talk to Pacey" I say more to myself than to anyone but she heard me.

"Pacey, is he the father?" I nod my head at her question. "Okay well since you intend on having the baby we should fill out the medical history of you family and we can get Pacey's history next time, okay?" I nod my head again. "How old are you?"

"I'm 17; I turn 18 in two weeks."

"Are you on any medications?" I shake my head no "okay while you are pregnant you cannot drink, smoke, and not all over the counter medication is okay if you are pregnant. So if you become sick while you are still pregnant I want you to call in and here is the pamphlet to tell you the rest of the dos and don'ts" she hands over. "Is there anything in your family history I should know about?"

"My mom died from cancer" I tell her allowing the feeling of dread coming over me.

"Do you know what type?"

"Breast cancer" I say thinking back to that time.

"Are you having or had any symptoms related to pregnancy"

"I started throwing up yesterday morning, that's why I decided to come in today." I replied.

"Okay" she replied typing on her computer she asked me a few more questions and some were about Pacey's family history and I tried to answer those to the best of my ability. It stunned me that even though I have known him most of my life I know little to nothing about his family history. And that saddens me because I'm pretty sure it knows a lot more about me. "So I am putting your due date at around Dec 10 according to your last period but with a two week grace period it seems that your bundle of joy will grace you with their appearance on Christmas Eve." She smiled and my lips slowly pulled into a smile itself. Having baby did not seem so bad anymore. I can do this, I can raise my baby and I'm sure Pacey would stand by me if only I can find him. That's when the smile fell from my lips. "That will be all for today here is your prescription for your prenatal vitamins. I want you to stop by the front desk and make an appointment for two weeks from now. Make sure you get this prescription filled out soon so that you can start taking it. And take it easy the first trimester is one of the most crucial any wrong thing and you can miscarry so I'm going to need you to take it easy. Okay?"

"Okay" I replied taking the prescription and standing up.

"Look forward to going through this process with you." She smile walking to the door and held out her hand for me to shake.

"I am too and thank you." I reply shaking her hand. "See you in two weeks" I finished before walking out of the office and going to set my next appointment up then I need to find Pacey.

* * *

><p>It's been almost 4 weeks since I last seen those sparkling blue eyes that brought butterflies to my stomach. He haven't been to school in weeks and tried to go to see him that Sunday morning, after I finally dragged myself out bed, but I couldn't find him anywhere. These past three and a half weeks gave me a lot of time to thing and I finally see everything he was talking about. To him Dawson would always be a problem and I have done absolutely nothing to stop that fear from growing. From the beginning I have put Dawson before Pacey and that was not right.<p>

_"Well, she looks beautiful in the water." Joey stated looking at the boat bobbing in the water._

_Pacey looked at the boat, "This morning was really just a formality." He stated. "I still don't know if she's sea-worthy." He finished with a sigh._

_ Joey not catching on to double meaning, "She looks pretty solid."_

_"I don't know." He shook his head "I think I see some stormy weather ahead." Not only referring to the boat. _

_Joey knew where he was going and said the only thing she could "Pacey..." _

_"It's over, isn't it?" Pacey said already knowing the answer because he knew it before this all begin. _

_"It has to be." Joey replied._

_"Maybe you should be the first one to go this time." He said not looking as she rose and walked away. Just because he expected it doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell. It was Dawson first and foremost for everyone and didn't know why he expected different from the girl beside him. I guess he just wanted someone to choose him for once but he guess when it came down to it he wasn't that big of a risk to take when the girl he love was so attached to her suppose soulmate. Pacey shook his head and went below deck of the boat. True Love, yeah what joke that turned out to be._

Even then I chose Dawson over Pacey without even realizing it. It don't matter that it took a while for Dawson and me to become friend but I still made that choice that night. Just because I was afraid of losing Dawson, I decided to give up what was the best thing I ever had and that was when I think he started to think he wasn't good enough for me.

_Pacey: I gotta be honest with you, Jo. I really thought after the way he behaved today that you'd love him less, but you don't, do you? If anything, you just love him more._

_ Joey: Pacey. Please don't make this harder than it is. _

_Pacey: Ok. Ok. I just gotta ask one more question, and then I'm gonna stop making this hard on both of us, I swear. If it weren't for Dawson, could you ever love me like that? _

_Joey: Like what?_

_ Pacey: Like a soulmate. _

_Joey: Pacey, please don't make me do this. Don't make me choose. I really think the best thing is- is just to take a couple steps back and... _

_Pacey: Yeah. Look, jo... I'll renew the lease on the wall first thing tomorrow morning._

_ Joey: Ok._

_ Pacey: And I understand. I do. I understand. There are no ultimatums here._

At the wedding when he asked me was I going to say goodbye and I just stood there and said 'goodbye Pacey' like he meant nothing to me because Dawson was watching my every move, because I didn't want to hurt Dawson my doing what I really wanted to do, that my body begged me to do and that was kiss him. I didn't hurt Dawson's feeling but in turn I had hurt the boy I slowly growing to love with all my heart instead. I wouldn't have blamed him if he didn't let me on the boy and I had lost him forever but I didn't I'm glad we had those three months before I screwed it up again. When Dawson said it was okay to go to Pacey I jumped at the chance because I knew I would still have Dawson as my friend. Which inadvertently was a terrible thing to do because even in choosing Pacey I had technically choose Dawson because he gave me permission, permission that for some odd reason I was seeking for but did not need. We were doomed from the beginning because Dawson was still in between us metaphorically speaking. And that night I broke things off with him started the fears the day we returned to Capeside only rooted them deeper in his mind. I mean what was I thinking asking my boyfriend to leave so I can talk to the guy that made us breakup in the first place.

_Pacey: So what do you want to do tonight? Want to grab some pizza, hang out on the boat? Or I was thinking maybe we could go catch a bad summer movie at the $1.50 theater. What do you say? _

_Joey: Well, uh... Actually, uh, Jen invited me to the dive-in. _

_Pacey: The dive-in. Everybody from school's gonna be at the dive-in. To be perfectly honest, I don't think I'm prepared for that quite yet. Were you gonna go without me? _

_Joey: We can just go together. I think it'd be fun... And...And healthy... You know, to see everyone. _

_Pacey: To see Dawson. _

_Joey: Yes...To see Dawson, which we've talked about, Pacey. And it's no secret that I'm anxious to get things squared away with him. _

_Pacey: No, it's no secret. And to be perfectly honest, look, I don't really care where we go or what we do as long as we do it together. _

_Joey: [Chuckles] thank you._

And I had really planned to go by myself and leave him alone. I wanted to see Dawson so bad that I never took in the colossal mistakes I was making in my relationship that I was going to soon come to regret. Don't even get started on when I released Pacey's hand when Dawson saw us like I was ashamed to be seen with him

_Joey: [Sighs] maybe this wasn't such a good idea. _

_Pacey: Well, it wasn't my idea in the first place. _

_Joey: Do you think that... Um... _

_Pacey: That maybe I should go and get us something to drink while you go and say hi? Sure. _

_Joey: I mean, I just think it'll be easier. _

_Pacey: Yeah. No problem. I'll be back in a couple minutes. _

_Joey: Ok._

I could tell he wasn't happy about leaving me but I was too focused on reconnecting with Dawson to see this. That was confirmed again when we had our first real fight has a couple and it was over the same person Dawson.

_Joey: There you are. _

_Pacey: And here we go. _

_Joey: What are you doing? _

_Pacey: Both of us a favor. Taking us home. _

_Joey: You don't even ask me if I want to go? _

_Pacey: Do I have to? _

_Joey: Maybe I'm having a fun time. _

_Pacey: If this is how you look when you're enjoying yourself, Jo, then you weren't having a very good time on the boat this summer, you never once looked like this. _

_Joey: And you never once behaved like this. _

_Pacey: And just how am I behaving? _

_Joey: I don't know yet. Currently I'm deciding between asinine, immature child and arrogant, infantile boyfriend. _

_Pacey: You know, I didn't want to come here in the first place. _

_Joey: Well, then, you shouldn't have come. _

_Pacey: Yeah. I guess you would have loved that, huh? Would have given you all the time in the world to square things away with Dawson. Those were your words, right? "Square things away"? _

_Joey: Pacey, dealing with Dawson is a reality for me. It's a reality for the both of us. _

_Pacey: The guy hates me, ok? I can't fix that. _

_Joey: Well, you could try. _

_Pacey: I don't want to! _

_Joey: I do, and I'm sorry if you have a problem with that! _

_Pacey: You're damn right I have a problem with that! You're not even unpacked yet and the first thing you think to do is—_

_Joey: look I can't help it if he's been on my mind, but it doesn't mean what you think it means. _

_Pacey: I don't know what it means. I don't care what it means. I've just watched you grow more and more preoccupied every day this week, and I'm tired of it. And it better stop. _

_Joey: You better watch who you're ordering around, Pacey. We're not on the boat and we haven't been for a day. _

_Pacey: Who are you kidding, Jo? Come on. You got off that boat long before the two of us did. _

_Joey: What is that supposed to mean? _

_Pacey: You're a smart girl, Jo. You can figure it out._

And he was right my mint was preoccupied with Dawson that week. I always got on Pacey for not trying to reconnect with Dawson but never got on Dawson for not trying to reconnect with Pacey. He lost a lot when he chose to love me but I never took in consideration just how much. He was hurting and I never seemed to care. That was proven when Dawson gave me my ride home. I told Dawson how the answer to the question everyone wanted to know wouldn't kill him when dropped me off after I told Pacey that it was nobody's business. Shaking my head, I fueled Pacey's insecurities with my need to make sure Dawson was okay before making sure he was. Because to Pacey, Dawson was first in my book and he was probably a close second but that wasn't the case but like they said actions speak louder than words. What told him that night was all true not one word it was a lie but my actions is what didn't meet my words and that was what ultimately tore us apart.

_Pacey: Jo, you were great. You were fantastic. You were every glowing adjective under the sun. I want to run out and tell the entire world what I did last night and who I did it with. _

_Joey: You're not really planning on doing that, are you? _

_Pacey: Well, no, but— _

_Joey: Good. _

_Pacey: Why is that good? _

_Joey: Because it's private and I really want to keep it that way. I really don't want the whole world to know about our sex life. _

_Pacey: Mmm. I think I get it. By "the whole world," what you really mean is Dawson. _

_Joey: Why does it have to be about that? Why can't it just be the fact that I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have? _

_Pacey: I don't want to hurt him, either. Ok? I don't. But I do want to be able to have sex with my girlfriend, whom I adore, without having to worry about the soap operatic repercussions of him finding out. Let me ask you one question, Jo. What would you say to him? You know, if he were here right now and he asked you, what would you tell him? _

_Joey: Well, I would have to tell him the truth. _

_Pacey: And you'd do that?_

_ Joey: Yes. Absolutely. [There is a big pause] _

_Pacey: Wanna know something funny? You haven't touched me. _

_Joey: What? _

_Pacey: You haven't touched me all morning. And here I was thinking that sex brought people closer together._

But I had lied when Dawson asked no matter if I went back and changed it I lied and protected his feeling while inadvertently hurting Pacey's. I don't know why I didn't touch him that morning which only made him think I regretted and I didn't but it didn't stop the insecurities from growing more no matter if I can back to explain myself they had already taken root and was locked into something that only grew with every step in the wrong direction I took even though I always backed pedaled it didn't erase the steps I had already taken in the other direction.

_Dawson: I'm asking you if you slept with Pacey. _

_Joey: It's kind of personal, don't you think? _

_Dawson: I think it's really personal._

_ Joey: I mean, what if... What if I was to stand here and ask you if you've slept with Gretchen?_

_ Dawson: The answer would be no. But you're right. It's very personal and it's none of my business and I apologize. I'm sorry. Ok. I, uh... You know, Jo, I guess I just- I want you to know that I'm not holding you to anything that we might have said in the past. Ok? I mean... I want you to live your life and be happy and enjoy everything that goes along with that. And-and... I know that sometimes you make a promise and you mean it at the time, but then life gets in the way and it makes it impossible to keep. _

_Joey: A couple of years ago, if someone were to tell me that we'd be standing here having this conversation, I would have referred them to the nearest asylum. But things aren't exactly turning out the way that I necessarily thought they would. A couple of years ago, if you would've asked me who the first person I was going to have sex with was, I would've answered unequivocally... Dawson leery, that's who. And the possibility of sleeping with anybody else never even occurred to me. Especially not Pacey. _

_Dawson: So what are you saying, Jo? _

_Joey: No. I have not slept with Pacey._

_ Dawson: You- oh. Uh... Oh. I'm sorry. That was a sigh of relief you just heard. I... Um... _

_Joey: Ah, well, good night._

_ Dawson: Good night, Jo._

As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I was in a world of trouble. It was the first time I realized the effect of what I just said and what Pacey's exact reaction would be. I did nothing to stop the coming downfall of our relationship. I sat there and watching it crumble bit by bit. With that lie I took something as beautiful as the night I shared with Pacey and made it a dirty secret which made Pacey somehow something I was ashamed of which was never the case. I knew he knew that day we walked on the beach in the fog but I didn't want to bring it up because I knew I was in the wrong here. I knew he lied because his eyebrows always seem to narrow when he does. That was my opening to telling him the truth but I chicken out which only added another root to those insecurities growing inside of him.

_Pacey: It's ok. You told him the truth now. That's what's important. And as long as we're in the season of honesty, there's something else that I probably ought to offer up. _

_Joey: What's that? _

_Pacey: Well... as happy as I was for you when I found out that you were going to Worthington, I think that I was... just as happy when I found out that you weren't. It's not that I don't want you to be able to go off and realize your dreams, Joey, because I do. But for the first time, I just-I felt like it wasn't me that was holding you back from it. _

_Joey: Pacey, you've never held me back. You have to stop thinking like that. _

_Pacey: You know what? I could stop thinking like that if you'd just promise me one thing, that if the day ever comes, and it may come much sooner than either one of us thinks, but if that day ever comes where you did feel like I was holding you back... promise me that you'd cut me loose, yeah?_

_ Joey: Pacey. Promise me that. I won't promise you that. You're asking me to promise to let you go. I can't do that._

That was one of the reason I felt he let me go because he knew I would be able to let go of him. He was right I wasn't happy but that wasn't because of him, he made me happier than anything. It was the weight of the fact I could be pregnant that brought the distance. It was my fault he felt as if he didn't make me happy but it was the total opposite. At one point in the last month of our relationship, I even stop telling him I loved him so he eventually stopped saying it to her. This was all her fault and she had to fix this because it wasn't just them anymore they have something that was made out of love and they deserve to be loved correctly. She could fix this if only she could find Pacey.

_Joey: You've got to be the thickest mensa member around. A.J., Morgan is your muse. _

_A.J.: No, Joey, she's just my friend, that's all. _

_Joey: No, she's more than just a friend. She picks out paper for you, and she encourages you write and she demands that you be yourself. And she does this in such a selfless way that you can't even begin to comprehend and… _

_A.J.: Wait, wait, did she tell you something - did she say that she wants more than friendship? _

_Joey: No… _

_A.J.: Well than where is this coming from? _

_Joey: I know what it's like to harbor feelings for somebody that you deny. I know how horrible it is to realize those feelings way too late. And this is coming from my own experience, my own life, which honestly, you know very little about. _

_A.J.: Well, God, Joey, give me a chance. Let me get to know more about you. Isn't that the fun part? _

_Joey: Yes, it's fun, and it's romantic and exciting and unbelievable, but it's not real. _

_A.J.: Well, then let's make it real. _

_Joey: See, you already have something that is real. And Morgan is just recently realized it. Why do you think she came back from France? Can't you hear it, too? _

_A.J.: Hear what? _

_Joey: The loudest sound of all? Love unspoken. The feelings between you and Morgan. _

_A.J.: Joey, you are reading way too much into this. _

_Joey: Am I? _

_A.J.: Yes. _

_Joey: A.J., then why the look? _

_A.J.: What look? What are you talking about? _

_Joey: In the reading. You paused and you looked at her. _

_A.J.: I don't know, I was reading something. Okay, I guess it made me think of her. _

_Joey: Because it's about her. _

_A.J.: No, it's a made up character, Joey. _

_Joey: A.J., I want you to go to her. And I want you to look into her eyes and look deep. A see just how made up that character is. _

_A.J.: Is that what you really want? _

_Joey: Yes. _

_A.J.: So that's it? What about us? _

_Joey: Us is something that I will remember for the rest of my life. But see, us is a memory. You and Morgan are reality. _

_A.J.: I used to think a broken heart was just [missed word]. Now I know the truth. _

_Joey: A.J., there are worse things than a broken heart. Like the love that you don't explore. _

_A.J.: Guess I'll see you around, Potter-comma-Joseph. _

As the scene of the last time I seen A.J. pops into my head I now see how similar me and him are. At the time I was thinking about Dawson but now I could see how totally wrong I was. Pacey is my Morgan. Pacey is that selfless person in my life that have gone above and beyond to make sure that I'm okay and that I am happy. Even the few weeks I was with A.J., Pacey was still there for me standing by waiting for his turn at winning my affections. Not out of obligation but because he loved me. A.J. and Morgan reminded me a lot about me and Pacey with the banter and how they had been best friends for as long as possible. How when Pacey needed me there at his play so he can show me what he accomplished but I chose that date over him. It seems I always chose something over him. If I dare wanted another chance with him that would have to stop; him and the baby would have to be my top priority like it should have been and everything else would just have to fall in place behind it. Because what Pacey and I had, no have is real. That is realization finally dawn on me and priorities shifted majorly with just one phrase that popped in my head.

**_Dawson and I is a memory, and Pacey and I are reality._**

I have to say it is one beautiful reality that I'm holding on to for dear life. What I will be holding on to for the rest of my life.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Out in the Open**

**A/N: Well I know you basically read most of this chapter already but I made subtle differences that I felt was needed and added another piece of the diary that Pacey was so prone on fishing I mean writing in it 3 maybe 4 times a day that is some commitment. **

**So last chapter someone told that it made them hate Joey and I am sorry for that because that was never my intention. I wrote the chapter to show you the thought process of what was going through her mind throughout the weeks Pacey is in the hospital and how she was going through everything not being around him. I felt like during the show she took Pacey for granted that first time around, and the second because it was never about what would best for Pacey it was what was best for Dawson. I felt as if she never really gave our boy a fair shot because Dawson was at the for front of her mind throughout the relationship and that chapter revealed that so no I never meant for any Joey hating I just needed convey how she got to the day Gretchen told her what was really happening. And I am sorry but the Dawson/Joey kiss had to happen for her to realize well hey maybe there was some truth to what Pacey said because she let Dawson kiss her I was going to allow it to go further but that would have been too much for my ego lol. **

* * *

><p><strong>Gretchen POV<strong>

I leave Pacey in the room by his self as he wrote in the journal he brought a few weeks ago. I know he will be mad at me but he did say everybody. I call everybody, from our parents to his ex-best friend and all asked them to meet me at my house in an hour. I just have to make one more call, I scroll through my contacts and called the last person on the list and the main person that should have known already. I pray that she will come and Pacey won't kill me.

"Hello" Bessie answered the phone.

"Hey Bessie, can I talk to Joey?" I ask.

"Yeah hold on." She said and I can hear call for her and tell her someone was on the phone. I can hear the phone switching hands. "Hello?"

"Hey Joey," I say before adding "its Gretchen."

"Hey Gretchen, what's up" she hesitated before asking. I can hear the sadness in her voice and I knew that what I was about to say is going make it worst.

"Can you come by the house in and hour?" I asked

"Gretch I don't know..." she says.

"Pacey want be there." I rush to say. "It's important; I wouldn't be asking you to come if I knew you wouldn't want to know."

"Is Pacey okay? He hasn't been to school in a couple of weeks." she asked and I can hear the alarm in her voice.

"Just be there and I will explain everything I promise." I deflect.

"You're scaring me Gretchen." She said as she begun to panic.

"And maybe you should bring Bessie with you." I say and before she asks more questions I rush off the phone. "Hey look I have to go, see you in an hour at my house." I hang up the phone and go tell Pacey I was leaving. "Hey Pace I am going to go tell everybody okay."

"You sure we still have time to pull the plug and I can just write goodbye letters to everyone." He says.

"No we are going through with it."

"Whatever."

"And don't give your nurses too much hell" I say grabbing my purse giving him a kiss on the forehead before walking towards he door.

"I wouldn't dare." He laughed and I waved my hand over my head before walking out the door.

**_1 hour later…_**

I walk through the front door and I can already hear everyone in there already. I follow the noise into the living room and find Dawson, Jen, Jack, Andie (who came back a week ago for graduation next week), Doug, Mrs. Ryan, Mr. and Mrs. Leery, Kerry, and my parents. They all turn and looked at me and all the noise ceased.

"We still have a few more people to wait for and when they get here, we will start." I heard the doorbell rung as soon as I finished my statement. I walk to the door and opened it and let them in. "Joey and Bessie thank you for coming, we are all in the living room." I say leading Joey, Bessie, Alexander and Bodie that way.

"Where is Pacey?" Joey breathed out.

"You will know everything soon I promise." I say giving the teenage girl in front of me what I hope was a smile. We walked into the living room and I didn't miss how Dawson's face lit up at the sight of Joey but she didn't even notice him. I shake my head and was about to tell them what was going on until someone else spoke.

"What is this about?" Doug asked.

"Where is Pacey?" the girl beside me asked again.

I took a deep breath and replied. "Joey, I think should have a seat." I look at her with sad eyes.

"No," she shook her head as the tears begun to roll down her cheeks. "Please, just answer my question." She said as she wrapped her arms around her body trying to hold herself up.

"He is in the hospital" I told her and look of horror passed over her face as around of gasps went around the room.

"Hos….hospital" She breathes out just as Bessie put her arms around her before she could collapsed from the shock.

"What did this boy go and do now." I hear my father say with a tired voice. And I shake my head at him.

"How dare you?" I say to my father. "Your son found out one month ago that he had Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia and he had at the most a month to live. He was going to go through this by himself until I walked in on him crying on the floor. I watched as he broke up with the love of his life because he rather her hate him than watch him whiter away like she did with her mother." I say that as I look at Joey and watch her fall to her knees as she let the tears fall down her face before turned to glare back at him. "I have watched for the last three weeks how he suffered through chemo and puked everything he had in his stomach to it been just blood coming out. He can't keep anything down and he still tries to be funny and witty. Today we got some bad news, the doctor told us today that the chemo wasn't working and that they will start him on radiation therapy tomorrow." I pause as I wipe away my tears. "He is ready to give up" I breathe out. "The chemo has taken a toll on him and I don't know if he will survive any longer." I look toward his friends. "He didn't want your pity that was why he didn't tell you." I look towards my family. "He didn't want to tell you because you have made him feel like an outsider, like a burden all his life that he didn't want to get his hopes up that you will come for them to fall when you decided he just wasn't worth the hassle." I say with as much venom as possible and all their heads drop. I turn the girl looking up at me from the floor.

"Why did not he tell me?" she asked in a small voice.

"Joey, the reason he didn't tell you is because he loves you." Was the only explanation I could come up with and she rolled her eyes at the statement. "I begged him to tell you the night he broke up with you and he kept saying that while he was saying things he said to you that night his eyes told a whole different story, but when you so easily accepted what he told you, he figured it had to be some truth in the words. He tried to find you after I convinced him to tell you the real reason he broke up with you but he couldn't find you." I continue and she glanced over at Dawson before she looked down, and from that glance I now have an inkling why he didn't find her, something else happened that night. "Then he talked himself into thinking you will be better off without him. That you will find a man that loves you like he do, and get married and have kids. Someone who will make you happy, not some guy who was sick and could only bring you pain when he died." I bend down and lift her head and wipe away her tears. "He writes to you, you know?" I say and her eyes lights up for the first time. "Yep, he writes to you every day sometimes two to three times a day no matter how he is feeling. I mean half of the time he is puking his guts out but he never got any of it on that book. He doesn't even know I know he is writing to you but I found out one day when he was asleep and I got bored. The love of your life let you go so you didn't have to go through this again."

"That was my choice to make, not his" she said.

"I know that, you know that, hell everyone in this room knows that but my brother, the dumbass, think he can protect you from everything even at the cost of his own heart." I say and she laughs at my statement. "He just wants you to be happy and if that is without him then so be." I say and she shakes her head at that.

"I'm pregnant." She whispers and I am the only one that heard her.

"Are you sure?" I breathe out.

"Yes, I went to see the doctor two weeks ago. I am 3 and half months pregnant." She graced me with smile.

"Joey that's great." I say and I hug her.

"You think Pacey will be thrilled." She said as a terrified look crossed her face.

"Of course he will, we can tell him today." I say and was another smile spread across her face though it didn't reach her eyes. I turn to everyone else and say. "Alright, so I am heading back to the hospital anyone coming with?" I grab Joey's hand and help her off the ground. Everyone rose to their feet and I decided to say one more thing before leaving. "If you are going to give him grief please just don't come, he don't need your pity, and also can you get tested to see if your bone marrow is a match for his? So it can be possible get a stem cell transplant, it is a long shot but this could help him fight the cancer. He doesn't want to hassle you, so don't tell him I asked. Joey you can go see him first, he needs to see you first so he can have hope. He will need that." I tell them and they nod. I lean in and whisper into her ear. "Tell him about the little one too." I say to her with a smile and lead them out the door. Hopefully this all goes well, and Pacey is not too pissed off about me telling Joey. This should be fun, I look around at everyone. "God help us all" I grumble.

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><p><strong>Pacey's POV<strong>

_Dear Joey,_

_ Hey baby, I miss you a lot. I am missing you a lot at this moment because I need you to hold me and tell me everything is okay. I know everything is not okay but with you here I feel as if I could get through this. The doctor says it's not looking good because the chemo is not working fast enough because the cancer is still growing too fast. I feel as if my immune system is pretty shot to hell right now because I'm beginning to feel kind of sluggish at the moment._

_ On another note Gretchen is telling the family today. I don't think any of them would care if I wasted away but Gretchen seems to think otherwise. I hope she doesn't get her hopes crushed. I would say my hopes too but all my hopes of my family actually considering me family was crushed beyond repair at my birthday dinner, where everyone ragged on my me. I miss you a lot. I miss making love to you and even just cuddling with you on a daily basis. I hope you believe that what I said the last time I saw you wasn't true at all. I love you with everything I have. I know at the moment that isn't much(chuckling you know with the wasting away and all laughing) but when you walked away from me that night, you walked away with my heart and I don't see myself getting back (not that I want it back it yours to keep). One day you will be okay and I will be a distant memory in your life when you have the husband and kids. But to me you will always be the love of my life and I am glad to have loved before I leave. Because loving you was the easiest thing in the world Jo, and wouldn't change it for anything. _

_I am happy leaving here knowing I knew you and loved you with everything I have because without that what else is there for me. Loving you is and will forever my greatest achievement and I am okay with that. This feels to be my last letter to you, not because this the last page in the journal but because I can't hang on anymore. I am glad I sent Gretchen out tell her I am sorry but I could let her see me die and I glad she stood by me to the end. Tell her I love her and that you and she was the only family I had and I was okay with that. That the rest of our family didn't have to show up because we were strangers at the most and I didn't feel that it was appropriate to be ragged on on your deathbed (chuckling). Make sure she take care of herself and don't let her take it out on them because I just see this as the universe writing the mistake that was my life. This is a good thing. I love you both and thank you for making my life as bearable as possible. Jo, thank you for attempting to love me and at least sharing apart of you with me even though you couldn't give me all your heart, I accept some (wink). Gretchen, thank you for accepting me as your little brother and thought there was still raging, I still got the sense that you wanted there. _

_We all my love,_

_Pacey John Witter_

I finish writing the letter on the page about an hour after Gretchen left. I could feel my body beginning to shut down as the book closed on my lap. The pen slips from my hand as the world goes black.

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><p><strong>Nobody's POV<strong>

Pacey eyes closed as the heart machine flat lined. While Gretchen yelled at her family on Pacey behave and Joey falls to the floor, Pacey J. Witter heart stop beating in a hospital room in the cancer ward of Capeside's only hospital alone.

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><p><strong>Whew…okay guys there goes this chapter don't worry this is not the end we still have to see how everyone takes the news but could Pacey really be dead right now or did the doctors save him. So READ…READ and REVIEW…REVIEW I would love to hear your thoughts because they mean the world to me.<strong>

**TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL,**

**Miss Pretty Girl**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: So They Meet Again**

**Joey POV:**

I could hear the beep of his heart as I paced outside his room, trying to talk myself into taking that step into the room. What am I going to say? Would he even want me here? Of course he would Joey; he loves just take that step into the room. I took a deep breath and went to move inside the room, when I hear his heartbeat flat line. I rushed into Pacey's hospital room, hoping my ears is playing tricks on me but his eyes was closed and I hear the pen hit the floor before I snap out of my daze. I ran to the door "Help Please" I yell before going to Pacey. "Please don't leave me, Tesoro. I can't do this without you love. Please you can't leave me. I'm Sorry." I tell him as the room start to swarm with nurses and doctors. I am pulled off of him as they begin to work at him. It felt like forever before I heard the foreign but familiar heart monitor beep at a steady pace. My eyes never left his face, I watched for any sign that he came back to me, but there was no sign that he was alive except for the steady beep of the monitor next to the bed. "Why isn't he moving" I ask drawing the attention over to me.

"Miss I think it would be better is you…" One nurse begun before I cut her off

"Don't you dare ask me to leave him because I'm not going anywhere" I reply with as much venom as I could towards this incompetent nurse in front me. "Now answer my question. Why the hell is he not moving?" I glare at all of them.

This time a doctor came towards me with a book in his hands with them raised in the air. "It's going to be okay Mrs. Witter, your husband seem to have slipped into a coma." He finally answers my question. "We are going to take him to get checked out. We will bring him right back afterwards okay." He rushed to say when I'm sure he saw the fear in my eyes. He guided me to sit down in the chair by the bed and handed me the book. "Alright everyone let's get him moved down to the OR." He says not leaving me as another doctor and the nurses to moved Pacey from the room. I didn't realize I was shaking until I felt his hand on my arm. "When was the last time you ate?" he said as he scan up in down my body.

"This morning." I give a sheepish smile trying to ignore the creeps this guy was giving me.

"I will send a nurse in here with some food and a bottle water for you in the little one." He replied and my eyes widen at this. He left the room and soon after the room was filled with everyone else. They asked so many questions but they soon stooped when they saw I was in too much of a shock to answer anything. Just as the shock was beginning to ward off, the door opened again and my line of sight switched from the journal in my hand to the door as a nurse who looked to be around the age 60 walked in with a tray of food and bottle water.

"Hi Mrs. Witter" she smiled at me kindly and everyone else turned towards me with a raised eyebrow. "Dr. Pollard told me that you and the little one was in need of nutrition. So I brought you some things that would be edible and wouldn't taste like crap." She said and I laughed feeling at eased with this nurse, feeling a since of calm come over me.

"Thank you, I very much appreciate it and please call me Joey" I smile kindly at her. "Just with everything going on today food was the last thing on my mind." I politely supply ignoring all the shocked face in the room.

"Now I don't think Mr. Witter would like you going without meals Joey. You're eating for two now can't skip out on meals." I nod my head. "How far along are you, child?"

"I am close to 4 months pregnant." I reply.

"Ooh that means you will find out the sex of the baby soon." Tears start to well in my eyes. "Oh child, I didn't mean for you to cry."

"No" I shake my head wiping my tears away. "No it wasn't you, it's just he doesn't know yet. I was going to tell him today. I was pacing back and forth outside the room trying to figure out how to tell him. When I heard the heart monitor stopped, and my whole word tilted on its access, I ran to the room just as a pen hit the floor. All I could think is what if I missed my chance, what if he left and he didn't know that he was going to be a father." I say through the tears rolling down my face. "When his heart started to beat again, I felt life return back to my body only to leave me seconds later when he didn't move. I can't do this without him here." Shaking my head as I poured my heart out to this nurse, I don't know what came over me but I felt as if I could talk to her about anything. "He is my life, is it bad that I don't want to have this baby if he want be here?" I asked looking at the woman in front me looking as much as the little girl that I was feeling.

"No sweetie it's not bad at all." She said removing the tray from my lap and putting it on the bedside table next to me. "He is the love of your life and it's nothing wrong with wanting to grow old with him and raise your kids together and thought of neither of them happening with him is not appealing to you." She continued pulling me into her arms and laid my head on her chest as I continue to cry. "But you would do it because he would have wanted you too. I have no doubt that you will be a good mother with or without Mr. Witter." I nod my head.

"What if I fail him? What if this kid has to grow up without knowing his father? Or I am to depressed to me a good mother?" I mutter into her chest not sure she heard me.

"Oh child, we can't think like that. They say that he is just in a coma. But even if doesn't come out of this coma, then I know that you will try your best to make sure that this child knows that their father is the most important man in your life. You will tell him about the good things his dad. You will be okay child and so will he. You should have faith that the Lord has plans for everything." She smiled as she rocked me back and forth. "Now you stop this crying and you eat this food and I will be back to check on you later." She patted my leg and I don't know what having a grandmother would have been like but I assumed it would have been like this.

I nod my head and rose from her lap and sat back down in the chair. I felt a light kiss on my forehead as the tray was put back in my lap. I begin to eat the food after I tried to dry face with me hands. I look up at her, "Thank you" I attempt to smile at her.

"Your welcome sweetie, I will see you later on." She replied before leaving the room, leaving in a room full of weary, sad, and shocked faces.

"Mrs. Witter?" his parents asked.

"You're pregnant" Dawson asked in disgust. All did was rolled my eyes at them both. This is going to be a long night.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Pacey POV<span>**

"Hey Pace," I hear a voice from behind me. I turn around to see brown doe eyes looking back at me. Her hair is longer than the last time I saw it. It framed her face more the color with from brown to a light brown. She looked beautiful, not that she didn't look beautiful any other day but as my eyes travel down her body, they focus on her stomach. She looks to be at least 6 months pregnant, but that wasn't what caught my eye, it was the wedding set that graced her ring finger. "Babe, come on we have to get to the wedding or your sister is going to kill us for being late." She laughs.

"Mama, daddy lets go already" a little boy around the age of 5 years old came into the room. He looked to be annoyed that we were taking so long. I stood in shock at the scene before me. She was married to me and that is my kid she is caring. We have kids? How many? How old are we?

"Honey, are you okay? You look to have seen a ghost?" she walked over to me.

"Yeah," I shake myself out of my shock and enjoy the feel of her hands on me. "Come on Jo, let's go don't want sis getting mad." I say grabbing her hand and squeezing it and ruffling my son's hair. I laughed as he tries to bat my hands away. We walk out the room, I assume was mines and Joey's, and walked down the stairs and was met by two 5 years old little girls.

"Daddy" the little girls run to me and I bend down to catch out of reflex once I reached the last step.

"How are my little princesses?" I ask and smile as they giggle.

"Gud" one of them answered. She had blue eyes and long brown hair. I look toward the other little girl in my arms and was rewarded with the same look. "Mama said Alex is gonna be at the wedding" She continued. I look back at Joey and she rolled her eyes at the twins.

""Yeah, he should be there ladybug." I reply once Joey gives me a nod.

"Alright, Javen, Nat, and Sky car now" I hear Joey tell the kids and they all run towards the car, with us following not too far behind. The ride to the wedding ceremony was not that long a drive and once we arrived the kids went in search of Alex while Joey and I went to join Doug, and the rest of the gang.

"So how is the restaurant doing Pacey?" Jack asked as I pulled the chair out for Joey before sitting down next to her.

"It's doing good, thanks for asking" I reply. What restaurant?

"Oh he is being modest" Joey said squeezing my thigh. "So many people is talking about it, he is thinking about opening another one in Boston." She laughs bringing everyone attention to us.

"Wow that's big Pace, so what about you Joey, when is the next book coming out." Andie asked and I look at Joey really interested in what she had to say.

"Andie this book just hit just hit the stands 3 months ago" she laughs. "But I will tell you I am writing but in between editing and the kids it's going to be about a year before the next book come out." She replied

"More like she been trying to write but Pacey can't keep his hands off of her." Jen commented and Joey put her head down with red staining her cheeks but not before she shot a glare at Jen. We all laugh as I pull her into my side and kissed her forehead.

"It's okay baby, they are just jealous." I smile. The rest of the wedding went by without a hitch. I watch my little girls walk up the aisle as the flower girls they look so beautiful in their dresses. Then Javen walked up the aisle as the ring bearer in his tux, followed by some bridesmaids and then Joey, the matron of honor she nearly took my breath away. Then Gretchen and I made our way down the aisle, she look so beautiful. My big sister was finally getting married; I finally took a chance to look at the front to the man at the front. I wonder if the guy was good enough for my sister. If we were close and I was okay with them getting married. How did Joey look on our wedding day? As we reached the front of the aisle I kiss Gretchen on the chin and give her future husband a handshake as sign of approval before putting her hand in his and taking my seat.

We stayed at the reception till the happy couple went to their honeymoon. I carried the kids to the car with Jacks help because they tired their selves out so much that they were knocked out for the night.

"Doug and Me will be over around noon to pick the kids up, okay?" Jack says. I just nod my head giving Jack a hug before helping Joey into the car. Once we arrived home I put the kids in bed and Joey went to take a bath. I walked around the house and look for any clues as to how old I was now. I saw many photos, some of me and Joey in high school when we first dated then a wedding photo that look to have taken place the summer after high school. There is another picture that seemed to be with me in the hospital, the cancer. How did she find how?

"That was one of the best days of my life." She said coming up behind me,

"Why"

"That was the day we got told that you were going to be okay and that you were going into remission and it's been 6 years and your still in remission. The day we got married was my 2nd best day." She smiled.

"What's the first?" I ask out of curiosity.

"The day the triplets were born" her smile got even bigger. "Come on lets go to bed, I missed you today."

I laughed. "You been with me all day." I smile and I see the mischief shining through her eyes. "Do you really want to go to sleep?" I say as I pull her into my arms moving my head down to her neck and started to kiss up to her ear. "Because I can think of other things we can do."

"I don't know Pace, I am kind of tired." She let out a fake yawn. "You're on your own tonight." She said pulling out my reach and walking away going to the door before she stopped. "Though you can always watch me then we can go to sleep" she said letting the rob fall from her shoulders revealing a red and black lingerie set. That accents her curves and pushed her huge boobies up and showed of my child growing inside her stomach. My jaw dropped as I looked at my beautiful wife.

"You have 10 seconds." I growled out and she laughed before making a run for our run and I wasn't too long after her. Once we both reached the room I locked the door and approached her. "10" I say before my lips crashed to hers as I begin to undress her. "You are so beautiful."

"Pacey, please" Joey moaned as I tweaked her nipple. "Make love to me" and that's what I did I ravished her body all night till we were both too exhausted to move. I pulled her into my arms and we both fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Through the night someone woke me up.<p>

"Dad" the voice said.

I turned around and saw a woman that looked to be an older version of the twins. I turned back to look at Joey but to see that there was nothing there. "What is this?"

"This could be your future." Skyla replied.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I looked back at her.

"This was your future, something that is come to past. But in order to get this future you have to wake up." She said.

"Skyla, why did you show me this." I ask.

"Because if you don't wake up we never get to meet either of our parents and that baby you saw is never born." She explained.

"What do you mean you'll never get to meet either of us? What about Joey?" I ask not knowing if I want to know the answer.

"A year after we are born, your death hit her hard and she became depressed and she couldn't handle it, so she…"

"Don't," I cut her off before she speaks my worst nightmare. "I will go back, I promise." I say as I pull her into a hug. "I will see you right."

"Dad, don't worry about me right now worry about you and when I'm born then worry about Me." she laughed "I love you" she whisper and before I could respond she had already disappeared. I closed my eyes only to open them again to be greeted with a hospital room. I feel someone holding my hand and I look to the side to see Joey. I squeeze her hand to bring her attention away from whatever she was reading. She looked up at me.

"Pacey" she breathed out before throwing her arms around me. I slowly move my arms around her body and ever realized until this moment how much I need to see her and I missed her touch. In that moment I vowed to never let her go again.

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><p><strong>Here you go guys. I hope you like the chapter. READ...READ...READ and REVIEW...REVIEW...REVIEW I got a shot out to:<strong>

**Lizard1969- How did you like it? Did you like the way Joey was standing right outside the door when it happen? thanks for being the first to review last time. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**Grumpy DelSan13- what you think I'm sorry about the last chapter it just had to be done. Review**

**Guest- thank you for reviewing and reading who ever you are. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**othfangirl- Thank you for reviewing i am glad you like the story so far. Can't wait to hear about your thoughts on this new chapter. **

**TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL,**

**Miss Pretty Girl**


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